Happy Meal

Well.....Ethan is now 5 and almost 1 month old. Aidan is 3 years and 8 months old and today they were both introduced to the Happy Meal. I'd done so well up until now not cluing them into the magical and mysterious Happy Meal. What kind of prize did I get? When can I open the box and look inside? Do I have the same toy at home? This past week I'd gotten Aidan one, but taken the prize out before he got the box, but then later Ethan found the Hot Wheels Battle Force 5 vehicle in my purse. Of course it was Hot Wheels so it was AMAZING to them and they wanted more. So tonight, I prefaced it with the announcement that they had to eat the meal (their choice of hamburger, cheeseburger, or chicken nuggets) if we went to McDonald's. Plus the enticement of a shamrock shake, it was not hard to get Mama to go through the drive through. YUM. Now I've tasted the sweet goodness of a Shamrock shake for the season. Luckily (to all of us) too the Happy Meals arrived with a different car than the one we received earlier this week. Even better....they both got different ones tonight. Now I'm hoping to convince them that they no longer have Hot Wheels in the Happy Meals going forward. We'll see if we can get off with only buying 3 Happy Meals EVER! :)

Singing in the car

The boys & I love singing in the car. I've ALWAYS loved singing in the car and I've been anxious to get them singing from the beginning. I would buy children's music CDs and we would listen to them over and over until I was so tired of "I've been working on the railroad" that I couldn't stand it. I just kept reminding myself of the story my mom would tell of me singing the Grease soundtrack at 3 & 4 years old. I kept wanting them to want to sing in the car as much I like to do it. I think Ethan was around 3 or 4 when he started belting out "Life is a Highway" from the movie "Cars". We now take turns with the iPod. When it's your turn you get to make a pick. We kind of go through phases. They love Adele singing "Chasing Pavements" which just happened to download on my iPod without my knowing, but oh well...it's been well worth the "free" price tag. The like some that I downloaded because I love Hip Hop class, so "Right Round" "Mercy" "Boom Boom Pow" are also favorites. One long lasting one that's been a pick for a while is one of my favorites by Kenny Chesney "Way down here". But I have to say if they are singing a soundtrack (like i did to Grease), I'd have to say that "Never Say Never" by Justin Bieber is the new winner. I took them to the movie on a whim because I wanted to hear the background story on this up & coming kid. I was impressed with how hard he's had to work to where he's gotten and how he would like to be a normal kid (even though everyone knows he's given up normal for fame). Needless to say we've been listening to a few of Justin Bieber's songs ever since we saw the movie. And I love watching them dancing in the backseat. I'm so glad they are interested in singing (however badly they happen to sing) in the car!

Earle Brown is a YES!

We finally got the written ACCEPTANCE into Earle Brown! I'm so relieved to get that letter. Now to turn in the enrollment forms....which I will probably drop off on Friday afternoon. And I'm so excited to go to the Kindergarten Open House in April! I've been checking out the Brooklyn Center school district calendar and all the EB (Earle Brown) Fundraising Nights at Chuck E Cheese, Mom & Son nights, concerts...all sound so exciting to me. Not that I want Ethan to grow up any faster than he already is, but I'm excited to start meeting his new friends and watching him learn more and more new things. Tonight he read the "Go Big or Go Home" sign at gymnastics. I was amazed! He really knows a lot more than he lets on most days, so getting him in school will hopefully bring out all of this intelligence he keeps locked away.....Get ready for Ethan (& Aidan) Earle Brown! :)

Taxes

Have I ever mentioned that I hate the process of filing taxes. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE getting a return and being able to spend all, or some of it on something fabulous is like winning the lottery, but the process of finding all the information, adding it all in, and the tireless entry of stock sales is BORING and exhausting to me. I just want it to be done and over with. Now to think that I have an accounting degree from the University of MN, it's quite funny how I hate this stuff. Part of it is intriguing watching the Turbo Tax program calculate the amount you owe and owe and owe while you enter your income and then watching that red OWE number flip over to GREEN when you get to the deductions is like watching all the fruit line up on your slot machine. But it takes far too long to get to the payout and when you have one weird thing to enter that you're not sure you're entering correctly (like how we sold stock this year to make a down payment on the Jetta)....UGH! It is frustrating. Nevertheless it's something that has to be done and the sooner the better I guess. We've been putting this off for a few weeks now and I'm ready to just have it done. While we still have questions outstanding on the sale of the stock....it'll be nice to be done with this for the evening. So far it looks as if we will get a refund. Let's hope so, so we can buy something fabulous...like a vacation?? :)

Another response - school update

Well, we got our response back from St. Louis Park School District. We are 5th on the waiting list for Spanish Immersion School. At least we heard something back from them! So currently, we have heard the following....

ACCEPTED at Woodland (cons to this one are that you have to pay for full-day kindergarten, and the transportation to/from would be difficult / pros are that the Curtler's and the Krolnik's attend this school)

4TH on the waiting list for Yinghua Academy (cons are we'd have to do a little more research on the before/after school and bussing options / pros what an experience to be fluent in Mandarin Chinese!)

ACCEPTED at Monroe (cons are they weren't too friendly to "outsiders" at their Open house, they are not positive full-day kindergarten would be around for the 2012-2013 year when Aidan would start, and once Aidan starts it really is out of the way for us / pros Science Technology Engineering Math would be a pretty good focus)

ACCEPTED at Earle Brown (cons haven't seen this in writing / pros it is our #1 choice, Ethan RAVES about it, IB program)

5TH on the waiting list for Park Spanish Immersion (cons transportation to/from, not sure on the before/after school options, pros learning to be fluent in Spanish)

The only two we are waiting on are which one Minneapolis assigned us to.... Kenwood or Whittier. But we won't find out on those until the end of March.

Not as bad as it seems

This week was extremely long and stressful at work and while I was getting buried in all the negativity of a co-worker and the upcoming changes to our work location I didn't stop to think about how good we actually have it. When we were invited by Tony & Eileen Kamp to go to Happy Hour, I realized that we are truly blessed. While they are blessed to have little Wyatt running around like a typical (almost) three year old and have him thriving (on the outside anyway), they have gone through something I can only begin to imagine. I can't even being to fathom all of the stress, heartache, highs and lows they've gone through since Wyatt's diagnosis at 4 months old. Ethan's hospitalization for dehydration and possible kidney issues (still showing negative at this point) was enough to do me under. It was a perfect way to get out of the negative funk to get together with them and let the boys be boys and play with Eric & Wyatt. Plus as the added bonus to get to hold that cute baby Savannah! I love our boys and while I am let down from time to time that we don't have a girl, I would not trade them for anything....so having a cute little girl nearby is always a good thing. As for work, I'm just going to keep plugging along and not worry about negative co-workers and try to embrace the move to 4th floor when it happens. If anything, I will enjoy some more flexibility in dropping off/picking up the boys once school starts which is NOT a bad thing at all, right?

4th Response (verbal anyway)

Well, I bit the bullet and called Earle Brown Elementary today. Betty in the office told me that she had spoken with the district office and Ethan's application was approved. She hasn't "seen" the approved application and the district hasn't sent a letter to us yet, but apparently we are ACCEPTED and there's a bottleneck at the district office. And while I'd like it in writing, for now we have to accept our acception over the phone. We did find out about the kindergarten open house in April. I am very excited for that. And when I told Ethan that Earle Brown wanted him, he had the biggest smile on his face. I am very excited. Although now I move onto worrying about the before/after school care. I don't know if I can wait until April to figure that out, but I will start researching online. :) We were impressed with this one from the start. It was the very first school we saw, but none of the others have lived up to it. Plus we are very excited about the IB program. I hope the boys will continue with it through their entire 13 years of school. Still waiting to hear what happens with Spanish Immersion (although logistically it would be an awful challenge) and the Minneapolis schools, but YAY that we got into our #1 choice!

Survivor: Redemption Island!

YAY! This has been an incredibly LONG week and I know it's only Wednesday and I have a THROBBING headache...stupid migraines. I normally love Wednesdays anyway so I can take the boys to gymnastics and chat it up with Jen. I'm really glad Aidan and David have class together and it's been fun getting together with our two families.

This is an especially good Wednesday, though, because Survivor starts tonight with two of my favorites: Rob & Russell. And because they are going to do "redemption island" Jay is interested in watching it too. So much good TV these days. Although I did hear that my new favorite show "The Good Guys" has been cancelled. BOO! Wednesday night is especially good... American Idol, The Middle (a CLASSIC), Modern Family, Better With You (soon to be cancelled), Mr. Sunshine (Loving Matthew Perry again) and now Survivor: Redemption Island.

We also enjoy Wipeout, Big Bang Theory, Community, The Office (although that is getting dumb), Outsourced (another good one being cancelled), Parks and Recreation, Grey's Anatomy, Blue Bloods, Defenders, Amazing Race (starts again this weekend), Desperate Housewives, Chuck, How I Met Your Mother, Mike & Molly, Harry's Law, Parenthood, Biggest Loser, Raising Hope, and Glee. Wow...we do watch a lot of TV. What would happen if we actually had cable TV? Good grief!

And amazingly almost all of it after the boys go to bed. Their highlights on TV right now are Calliou, Mighty Machines, Clifford The Big Red Dog, and Wonderpets. They are scared of bad guys on any show. I wonder when/if that will change. I'm glad that they still have that innocence, but I just hope it doesn't hurt them once they start "big boy" school. But I'm also glad that they haven't seen Star Wars, IronMan, etc...they're not old enough yet, are they?

Anyway....it's Wednesday...my headache is almost gone now. I had a great time chatting with Jen. I enjoyed watching Survivor with Jay. And our boys are as cute as can be! WHOO HOO! So much to be thankful for and happy about!

5 Year Check up

Well, Ethan's been dreading the shots that accompany a 5 year check up ever since I mentioned it on his 5th birthday. Today was the day. He started crying even before the appointment started. But all-in-all he is doing fine. We will wait for one more protein test to come back in order to find out if we need yet another nephrology appointment, but hopefully that will come back clean. He's 75th percentile for height & weight and the doctor estimates he'll be about 5'11" when he stops growing. How they can tell that I don't know, but seems about right as that is how tall Jay is as well. I can't believe how fast he is growing. We still haven't heard back from Earle Brown, but I think the IB program is definitely what we're going to shoot for at this point.

On a roll....

Well, so far I've been pretty good about blogging everyday. Today Ethan had a rather cute moment. Jay was in bed and Ethan said to me: "Mom, I'm going to go give dad some love. That means a hug and a kiss." He sure is a sweetheart. But not to be undone (even though he wasn't around when Ethan said that....we were "resting" today (the boys & I) on our bed and the rule is you have to lay still for 30 minutes and then you can get up. Never fails because they always fall asleep around 20-25 minutes. :) But prior to falling asleep, Aidan went into his room and grabbed blankets for both Ethan and myself and stuffed animals for us to sleep with too (even though we were both already asleep). Pretty sweet even though he wasn't supposed to be getting up. I sure hope they keep that sweetness as they get older. We've got some pretty great little guys.

MN Zoo

Today we met up with some co-workers of mine from many years back. Chrissy, Steve, Ann, Angie & I all worked together. It's crazy to think, but we all worked together 12-13 years ago! Back then, only Chrissy was married and having the first baby (Grace). Now, we're all married (Steve to Ann even) and we all have at least two kids (Chrissy now has three). Grace is no longer the little baby she once was, but a tall, slender young lady at 10 years old. Angie's husband was driving to pick up his new Harley Davidson motorcycle, so he wasn't able to make it, but it was neat to see all the kids. Grace is 10, Aria & Lily are 8, Danica is 6, Ethan is 5, Aidan and Zach are 3 and Nathan & Rachel are just over a year old. Quite the span, but a cute little clan nonetheless. It was fun to see them all and it's been years since we've been to the MN Zoo. I'm not even sure Aidan had ever been there before. Quite a bit has changed over the years, but it's fun to know that we still keep in touch and can hang out now and then. I hope our next gathering is sooner than the five it was since the last one.

Responses 2 & 3....

Well, wishful thinking got us quite a ways last night. We woke up this morning to find out that we are 4th on the waiting list for Yinghua Academy! Not too shabby! There were 75 accepted, 3 ahead of us and 196 applicants total....craziness. Now we wait and try to decide what other school to pursue in the meantime.

Then we come home to response #3...the one that pretty much told us to go home at their open house because we were not a part of their district. And we were ACCEPTED! It is a Math Techonology Science Engineering school. Now the debate begins on what we should do....

Think Chinese

Today I'm feeling about 90% back to normal and I did not work from bed! I barely took a nap! Tomorrow it's back to the office. BOO....but oh well I gotta do some time before I don't have a dedicated desk. I was very productive today at home though and will be at home again on Monday to get some work done on my second account. Distracted as I am these days with the school choices we've made today I am thinking Chinese. The more I read about this Chinese Immersion school the more I fear we are getting our hopes up. I know there are only 75 spots and I know there are way more than that who apply. Tonight is the lottery. Now I'm regretting not going to the lottery. After seeing "Waiting for Superman" I know how tearful I'd be at the actual lottery so it's just all I can do to wait until they post the results online tomorrow. To increase our chances (ha ha like we can do that), Jay brought home Chinese food for dinner. It was tasty....now let's hope it helps. I've even tried being persuasive with Ethan tonight by mentioning that if he went to Chinese school, he'd get to ride a big boy bus! A little fact that even I didn't know before I saw it today. Oh how awesome would that be? I don't know how heartbroken I will actually be tomorrow, but I can imagine it will feel much like my birthdays do every year....extravagant and perfect in my head and nothing like that in real life. Trying to keep my feet on the ground...and trying not to care, but as a mom, is that possible? When something is so good and just out of arms length for your kids...how do you not care? UGH. Oh well...I worry too much. That's one of my biggest faults. Can't change that overnight, so can just hope for a good sleep and maybe some happy news in the morning!

First Response

Well, after spending the day feeling like a zombie in bed, I'm feeling somewhat better, but mostly just tired and out-of-it. I've never had mono before, but if I had this is what I'd imagine it feeling like however I do not think I have mono. Just a fever and swollen glands. Hoping it goes away sooner rather than later, but I guess only time will tell.

We got our first open enrollment response today and got ACCEPTED into Woodland elementary. Although this was only on our radar because we know a couple families that also have kids there, it is not one of the top 3. I'll have to do some more research before ruling it out, but YAY that we made it into at least ONE of our out-of-Minneapolis choices! So exciting to see Congratulations & Ethan on a school district stationery. Made me feel a little bit sad in a way. This is a big step for him moving into the real world. The little boy that just asked me on Monday whether they really sing/dance in the hallways of big boy school will be a part of big boy school and learn that, sadly, no, big boy school is not High School Musical.

Home Study

We were selected to be part of a home study on kids safety and/or nutrition. Tonight some young ladies came over to take measurements of Ethan as a starting point and so we move forward tracking his exercising, nutrition etc for the next week. I think he's enjoying the special attention. He even got to sign his own form for consent.

Besides that, I came home from work freezing and slept for most of the afternoon. Woke up with 102.1 degree temp before I had to pick them up. I guess I'll be working from bed tomorrow. Luckily it's a light week overall. Gotta kick this and get healthy though. We have plans to see "Gnomeo & Juliet" on Friday night and MN Zoo on Saturday.

Stomach Bugs....

Well, I came home Friday night after being freaked out by the movie "The Rite" and Aidan woke up. He wanted to be rocked and knowing he's got a softy for a mom whenever anyone mentions being rocked, I rocked him for a bit. Then when I thought I'd be able to sleep without thinking of all the exorcisms I'd just watched, I picked him up and he started throwing up. UGH! I hate when they do that for no reason. He ended up doing it 2 more times that night. He & Jay "camped" out downstairs for the night and in the morning he was completely fine. Whew!

Spent all day Saturday fine and Saturday night in the middle of the night, Ethan wakes up and says "my tummy hurts" and then throws up. He's always freaking me out when he's sick ever since last March when he was admitted to the hospital for being dehydrated. He stayed home all day Sunday while I took Aidan to church, Sunday School and brunch with my parents. My mom & I went to pie class and Ethan continued to throw up a little here/there for the morning and early afternoon. Once class was over and I'd picked up Aidan from my parents house, Ethan was perking up. He had some dinner (that stayed down) and went to bed after Superbowl halftime. He told me before falling asleep that he would have to stay home so his friends wouldn't get sick. So today he & I have stayed home. I've been working and he's been 100% fine. It's so nice to have him healthy, but I'm feeling bad to have Aidan at school when he wanted to stay home too. I know I shouldn't...life isn't fair and precautionary as we were being with Ethan, Aidan was fine to go. Ethan was probably fine to go too, but better safe than sorry. It's still hard to teach them life isn't fair when they're so little. I have kept Ethan from playing because a stay-at-home day isn't a "fun" day. I've explained that over and over today. :) Ah....being a parent...such a treat sometimes, isn't it? But it'll make us all stronger for the next time and I'm sure Aidan's having a ball anyway.

"Kinect"-ing with new friends

Jay & I are having a lot of fun with the Xbox Kinect these days. I enjoy Dance Central after baths and while Jay is reading bedtime stories (less people around to get in the way...oh and to watch). Love how I can feel like a cool dancer in the comfort of my own family room. We also like the Your Shape game as a break from the typical gym work out...ok I don't go to the gym these days, but that one is fun too. But we have an especially good time hanging out with friends and playing Kinect Sports.

This year Aidan's gymnastics registration was messed up, but he ended up in a class with a buddy from last year's class, David. I am loving Wednesday nights now because I hang out with David's mom while the boys go to their classes and it's fun having friends with kids around the same age as ours. The boys love playing with David and his sister Ava. He also has an older sister, but our guys are pretty little for her to be interested in.

We had them over today and had a blast playing the party games. Jen & I kicked Jay & Jim's butts several times, tied them once and then let them win the last time. :) I am feeling the pain though. Kinect is definitely a workout! Either that or I'm just old and lazy (which is entirely possible).

Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday. I always look forward to the commercials and the game too. My mom & I are going to a pie baking class before the game, so it should be a fun-filled day all around!

Things to look forward to....

A few reminders for myself since this cold weather is not helping any of us stay cheery lately......

In 7 months, Ethan will start school (this is both exciting and sad)
In 6 months, we will enjoy a week away at Breezy Point
In 5 months, we will celebrate my birthday! (I love birthdays)
In 4 months, we will celebrate Aidan turning 4 (can't believe he'll be 4 already)
In 3 months, my mom, cousin, aunt and I will be reminiscing about our ladies weekend in NYC!
In 2 months, we will celebrate Jay's birthday
Next month, we will be at the Kenny Chesney concert!
This month, we will start hearing about some of our school enrollment applications.

Take 47 at this blog (and Choosing a School)

OK, I know i tell myself rather frequently that I should be updating this blog and yet find a million reasons to procrastinate in doing it. Lately I've been feeling stressed. The search for a suitable school for not only Ethan, but one that Aidan would thrive at the following year has proven to be quite a challenge. Maybe we were a bit over zealous in our search (OK, who are we kidding...it was all me, not Jay). We started by visiting schools back in the fall.

Earle Brown Elementary was the first school we visited. To date, it is still one of, if not, the best school we have seen. So many pros associated with this one. The principal was incredibly friendly. He even answered his own phone which impressed me off the bat. When I scheduled the tour he was open to having us come whenever it was convenient to US and to BRING Ethan along! The building is only 6 years old, third graders get MacBooks, each wing has their own bathroom, there are multiple all-day kindergartens including an all boy/girl class, Ethan was talked to by the principal and staff, and it is an International Baccalaureate Program School (they'd learn Spanish language and culture). He was even encouraged to try out the automatic sink outside the bathroom and to walk around each class and look at everything. It was an awesome visit and we enjoyed it so much....then to come back to reality we learned that we had to "open enroll" to the Brooklyn Center school district since we are about 4 blocks south of the border. We happily filled out the paperwork and sent it in...now we wait for the school board to approve/not approve our application on February 14th.

Then we were brave and ventured into the world of private schools and went to an open house at Breck. Nothing terribly wrong with this school beside the price tag on it. While weighing the pros/cons....we would need some SERIOUS financial aid to pay for two boys at that school at the same time. We ended up deciding to not even apply to this one as that would've cost us $150+ just to find out if both boys were eligible and what sort of financial aid we would receive.

Next up....immersion school. We visited the Park Spanish Immersion school in St. Louis Park. Jay's cousins attended this school and it seems like a good program. However, we had again a strike against us not living in the SLP school district. There are very FEW spots for outsiders. But we filled out the paperwork and are waiting to see where we fall in the lottery results.

We visited a school on the way to daycare (hoping we could partake of the transportation available at Kindercare for before/after school care). We found out about their open house/information night. It is called Monroe Elementary with a focus on STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics). Sounded like a great program up until they were even MORE against outsiders in this district. We were pretty much asked to leave and laughed at when we suggested we apply via open enrollment. We still did send in the paperwork. Now we wait, but definitely not holding our breath on this one.

We also (without visiting mind you) have open enrolled into Woodland in the Osseo School District. This one would logistically be a challenge, but we know a couple of fun families that attend this school. We're not expecting to get in, but it only cost us $0.44 to send in the paperwork.

Finally the Minneapolis School Fair came around in January and we narrowed our choices prior to attending to approximately 6 schools. Once we got there, some of them impressed us and some of them did not. We were enticed by several more and scared by others. We came home and had our choices to visit narrowed down to a handful of schools in the district. I set up tours at a few and found out about information nights at others.

We started off with one that looked great on paper, but the location was less than attractive. Elizabeth Hall International. This one, too, is an international baccalaureate school with a focus on Mandarin Chinese language/culture. Cons on this were the location, the uniforms, the scary parents walking around the hall....needless to say it did not make the final cut.

The next option on our list was Armatage. Again, this one would be logistically challenging, but we thought the Montessori program there would be interesting and so we toured. Turns out they combine grades 1-2 and 4-5, so potentially Ethan/Aidan would be in the same class or one of them has a lesser teacher than the other for two whole years. I also have this gut feeling that Ethan would very much thrive on the Montessori program, but Aidan would find it a great excuse to goof off and not work hard. I'm not sure I'm right about this, but just didn't feel like a good fit for both of them.

One of the "treasured finds" at the school fair was the Yinghua Academy (A Chinese Immersion school). We went to the information session and it was so awesome. Not too far out of the way for me to drop off before work either. This one will take some convincing to Ethan though as when we asked how he liked it he said "What is it when you speak normal?" "English" "Yeah I want to go to English school." Unfortunately my hopes rest on less than 75 spots in a lottery process for this one. We left our application at the office though on our way out. So we wait until February 11th to find out how we fair. I'm not sure how Ethan would do in immersion, but for some reason I think Aidan would really like it, so I'm really hoping we do magically get chosen. I'm thinking on the night of the lottery, we all go out for Chinese food to give us more hope.

I ventured out with Ethan to an information night at Kenwood Community School. Prior to going, I did not consider that they call it Kenwood because it is in the Kenwood neighborhood, which is a very affluent part of Minneapolis. When we pulled up to very nice houses in the neighborhood....I was sold (of course we'd NEVER be able to afford to live in this neighborhood). I spoke with all three Kindergarten teachers and they all won me over. No immersion, language, specialty programs though. I was ready to sign him up on the spot (if that were how it worked) until the head of the PTA said they had to fundraise to keep the 3 all day Kindergartens since they do not have enough kids with free/reduced lunch to get funding for it, so each family is asked to donate $2K each year. My stomach sank for the rest of the information night. We'd never be able to afford that and keep up with the birthday parties and vacations the other kids would be having in this neighborhood. But after discussing how much we pay in daycare now, we COULD figure out how to pay the $2K IF we got in...the rest we'd have to figure out later. (This one made our first choice on our Minneapolis choice card.)

Deciding we should at least visit ONE of the neighborhood schools we are guaranteed, we visited Loring. No "extras" at this school, but it was a fairly cute school nonetheless. I was a little upset with a teacher calling a student "annoying" rather loudly from the hallway and the classrooms were more cluttered than others. Plus not being the outdoorsmen, the community garden did not win any points from me. This one did not make the cut.

Needing one more choice on our Minneapolis choice card, we chose Whittier. Have we visited it? No. Have we heard of it? No. But it is an IB school and most of our hopes fall on Earle Brown (the first choice in this LONG journey of discovering all our choices), so we threw it on as Choice #2.

Now we wait...which is the part I am not good at. I hate waiting. Ask Aidan...he'll tell you that. EVERY DAY, we wait for his cute pokey butt every morning to get dressed, pick out a book for school, put his shoes on, put his coat on, find his hat, put on mittens, get in the car.... I wouldn't trade him for anything though. By the end of February we're hoping to hear from all but the two Minneapolis schools we've applied to via open enrollment. By the end of March / mid-April we should should hear from Minneapolis on which of the two choices we chosen we've gotten into. So until then we just wait!